Doing relationships in a world of social distancing

It’s 2AM and I can’t sleep. My mind is racing with all the talk of the Coronavirus, COVID-19 and and the impact that it’s having on the local church. Earlier today, as an act of love, my church asked all groups, classes, and activities to stop meeting in person and to move towards online means of community. As we all are walking through these uncharted waters, I’m excited and scared. Excited for the opportunities it presents and terrified about the ramifications for those who are most in need of relationship.

To be honest, there’s a part of me that struggles with the term “social distancing.” We’d rather stay away from a term like “self quarantine” because it feels so cold and self-limiting. For me, the trouble with term “social distancing” is it implies a call to separate and distance ourselves from others. When the reality is it provides an opportunity for us to come back to some of the most primal relationships of our lives.

In in this season of uncertainty, we find a beautiful invitation to simplicity. Here’s what I can’t help but think that “Social distancing is an opportunity to shorten the distance of our relationships.” On one hand that may seem like a contradiction, but in an age where our relationships have often grown wide and shallow, now we have the chance to come together and grow deep. What does that look like? Let me offer a few thoughts that are running through my head and heart.

First, we shorten the distance of our innermost sphere of influence. As a Pastor, relationships are a vital part of my work. Day after day, I get the privilege to interact with people on a variety of levels- colleagues, people in my church family, and folks in the community. Still, the fact of the matter is that my primary and most vital place to influence is in my home.

For those of you who don’t know my story, this has been an extremely tumultuous year. Last February my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and passed seven months later. Suddenly, I found myself a single parent to two amazing, high energy, and rambunctious boys. When I heard the news that schools would be shut down, I panicked a bit. What would I do with my boys while I “work?” To be sure, it’s still a very real logistic that I need to figure out, but I’m convicted that perhaps my real “work” has become blurry. They are my first ministry. Social distancing gives me the reminder that the first priority of my relationships are here at home and points me towards another key relationship.

Secondly, we shorten the distance in our own hearts by confronting busyness. As I begin to think through how do “ministry” in this season, my mind goes to how can we move all the same programs and activities online. At the same time, my heart screams STOP! Especially in the life of the Kingdom, more activity does not translate to more spirituality!! I hear the voice of Jesus calling me to not try to carry on business as usual, but to see this as an opportunity.

Over the last several months, I’ve been convicted by how much of my personal identity can be wrapped up in being a “pastor.” When you’re dealing in relationships with God and people, we can begin to think that our value is found in what we do for others. I’ve been convicted that as a ministry leader, I have the most to gain by keeping people busy. My heart screams, “Will you lose your value if people don’t need you?” “You’ve got to stay busy to prove your making a difference.” Let me call both of these for what they are LIES!! Today, I repent. My value is found in the fact that I am God’s Beloved and anything I do for others must flow from that well. For each of us, the very real struggle that we will face is confronting the notion that we are what we do.

Are there things to do? Yes! There are some vital tools that will need to be developed. Here’s what I want to suggest to you- Busyness stops in embracing our belovedness. You are not what you do, perhaps social distancing gives us the chance to come home to truest selves.

Finally, we shorten the distance in our relationship by initiating community rather than expecting it. Church history tells the story of those who became the agents of transformation in their world. The Apostles, St. Patrick, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Elisabeth Elliot, and the list could go on and on. These brave men and women took a stand of risky obedience in the midst of great adversity and the world was never the same. For decades, the church has often been experienced as a place where people can com and find community. The call of Jesus in the Great Commission is that we GO and MAKE. Both of these are action words. Jesus didn’t say ATTEND and CONSUME. Now more than ever, our call is to rise up, to move outward, and to love others in the name of Jesus.

Can we commit together in this season to reach out to those who need it most- To bless our neighbors, to meet the practical needs of those who are vulnerable? Maybe it looks like mowing a neighbors lawn, checking in on the people in your small group by text or email, or even going grocery shopping for those who are at risk. It begins in prayerfully asking God to reveal to us one or two people we can reach out to and to faithfully obey.

Community and relationships are built not discovered. Today, can we take the risk step of pressing in and pursuing relationship even in the age of Coronavirus?

More than ever before in my lifetime, I believe we find a beautiful opportunity as the church to come back to the heartbeat of community. To be the agents of Jesus to take his love to a world that needs it most. May we live as carriers of the gospel and may His love, grace, and mercy infect our communities deeply as he works in and through our lives.